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This is unfair, how can someone make negative commands about our and on youtube, you dont have the right. yea i swear i'd never fight anyone, and i wont break my word, but this really pissed me off, to me, this seems like an insult. if you think you are so good, so youtube and paste you own video, dun command on ous, u little Bas....well anyways, nvm...

i have having a bad headache, i guess i have being worrying about too many things...BAnd..School...homework....university...and etc...yea this four i do worry, because it involves me in it..but somehow it affected me too much i guess, and caused me a bad headache. i just cant get to sleep at night, without listening to music, duno whats going on inside me...but i tried, i actually slept at 3 these few days, no idea why...well i heard many people in our class are taking SAT this month, well they are taking 2x. but my mum wants me to take it once. in June, just one time, which means, i cant back off, for anything. school is for sure. but band i guess i can, i was invited by my mangment, i promised, but if i backoff now, then my image will be damaged....and i wun be trusted anymore...trouble, we need guitars.!!!!someone help us with it. its just the starting of a new year, and to me, it seems like a disaster.

well. i guess i need to do something. i dont wana be a curse, to anyone...i recalled my "love Relationship" with some girls in my life...none last longer than a few months, is it my problem, i got rejected too, there are more than one girl who told me to go to hell...so now i hate, i started to hate, before i never knew what hate is like,but now i know, i know it all, and one day i will die of it, but before i die, i will write my sentence with blood dripping from my veins, i will go quietly, like the protagonist in "the Metarmophosis"...but i dun wana die in that way, i have my own way....my dreams slowly turning from white to black, they die, they die, they die!. i m having no more dreams, mayb because there is no more thoughts in my mind when i am alseep..
what can i do, to make people trust me, about the email i send out, y do i have to joke about it?i aint that childish...but it seems like no one cares...yea 2 more germans coming to my band?lright that makes 7 people, i dun feel like wanting them to join, i aint racist, but i guess jimmy will kick me and jeff out,i duno. he might god knows. there are many X values in life which we do not know, i really wonder how this year would be like. today Charlotte said that failing IB done matter, as long as we do well for SAT we still can go to uni. but i dun agree, yea although american universities weigh about 80% of SAT scores, and 10% of school transcripts, but its still important...therefore i need to work hard. i guess for chem and math i can only hit a 4, i want a 5. i believe i can do it,start from now. everyday in class, i feel i m different ffrom others, from personality. i guess i m anit society, anti everyone. is this nihiism?i aint learning anything from the book we learned. but this is how i feel. i tried to open myself up, and not to have that "metal covering" around me, but i cant. because i m really scared of getting hurt again, i cant take in anymore pains, i wounded already, all over, and i m not healing, i need to heal, before i open up, and how long will this take, 2, 3 years?or maybe longer, personally, i do not know,and i know, everytime i get hurt, the words will hit my "metal covering" and it will close on me tighter and tighter............
Thats y my blog name is what u see...........