going 17 in 3 days

i m becoming 17 in 3 days, one more year older, means more responsibiliy..i seem that i dun care about every thing, i m indifferent, but i do actually. i care about the world, i hear many thing about the economic crises, its on the papers, its in the news, i see it everywhere. i have to care, because adults have being talking about it, some ay it will affect me, who knows, i heard dad and mum talking a few days ago, about the economic crises..it affects me, it gets on my nerve, somehow i care..

polanise, i am gona own that song, and show to wilson and kerri who is the good one at piano, yea i know piano is not for showing off, i like it, its my personal hobby, i use it to express my feelings, but i like polonaise.

well today did something wrong, said something nasty to flo, sry , i wun do that again, i will think b4 i say anything the next time. now i am under pressure, i am sick of life, sick of friends, sick of everyone, mostly, sick of all those things i have to do...what am i going to do?i m not sure, i need a direction...a direction....I m stressed, from BIZ,Chem,Phy,Math and TOK. thats like 4 HL and 1 stupid subject, i was actually Sl for BIZ,but went for Hl lessons, duno i agreed that time...chem i am ok now, and for phy, i cant believe MR Lloyd didnt teach a lot of things, compared with the AP text book we have, IB phy is nth.....telling the truth. my left leg hurts, no idea y, guess its because i jump a lot with my left leg during matches...should use both,but somehow i use one leg, many people do...

BAnd....yea...over totally,not going to performance for Rock for charity, dun even ask me, i made up my mind, to STUDY. and get a good future, i can have like 10 bands in university,but not now...no more fun for 1 year, 1 year and i am in USA>>..time is quick...its already march now, and i am leaving in sep 2010....

only mum and dad will trust what uncle said about some angle shit. i have to face north to study well, i just lack focus, its the same everywhere, notice something in myself these few days, acting more like an American...is it good or bad? my best thinking time is now, i guess, wide awake, energetic,et. i need to lose weight, i am way to heavy, no wonder i can jump high...i m losin weight starting from tmr onwards, eat less in skl, hope i dun forget...

in skl i m just a invisible person, nobody notice i am there, at home i am just a normal boy trying to get good results in skl. in life i am a failure who never have gotton a GF till now, and a loner. IS this my life? may be i guess so, may \be this is what i am like since young.

I am not ok, i m not ok...i m not sure what to do, rather than studying, i am not that type who can sit down there for like 8 hours studying, joshua can i guess, i lose my focus span after like 3 hours, max, and there is damn bad...

just focus now, and i hope someone, can do something about the crises, its not something that i need to care about, and its not my business, but once again, i somehow need to care, because being an IB global citizen, its part of my job, may be thats y IB rocks...

I need a fresh start from 17, turn a new blank page, and leave all the things that i have done behind, and lead a new life, i need a plan...........i want a new page with no devries on it.....

me, i am sick of everybody else, the girl she has a BF, so means i am hopeless, somehow,...nvm...i am always being a failure on relationship cases, and now its also not the right time to get one.....i m sick of this life, sick of this town, sick of everyone around me,,,i am under too much pressure, from skl from home from SAT. and i am having a math test on the day of my 17th birthday, and this SAT i have a SAT test...very bad instead....who can understand, in skl, i am not being seen as appearing, they will only play with me during basketball, and since thats the case, i have nothing to worry about, and actually focus on my studies, because jeff is right, result is what get us into a good university, and a good furture..... so i need good results.

So i have to start working hard towars my aim now, and also i am gaining self confidence, bit by bit, i duno who help me ,but someone did, or is it myself, me i think this life is ruined at this stage of time, and i can do nothing, but watch it fade away....i really hope i will recieve some regconition in skl, from people...........

to be continued