WTf man, i failed math like shit, ok this is damn damn bad. there is 3 questions that i should get correct, chem i improved,but still bad enough, i wonder if i can make it into uni, i think i m getting 4s for phy chem and math at the overall, that makes 12 marks, and i need 10 more, so i was hopingon chinese to get 7 which is 19, and ela is 4 whcih is 23(GOT IB) and business mayb 6, that 29. which is one mark away from my aim, and thats seriously bad out of 45, i mean, our skl is not good enough personally. PTC in one week, guess i know what kind of commands i will get. i am ready to be screwed, everytime of this year, is my worse time, but i usually get better after that, which i hope i do. my SAT, thats the thing, together with skl, its getting on my nerves, shit man, i can take this anymore. THIS YEAR IS A DISASTER. i want to die leh, finish it up, go to heaven...wa lao......i cant stand presure anymore, anyways i cant get anything right, anything to go, so what for living on?but still i tried, but i believe i found the right method of studying, so mayb it will make me improve will it?
SOMEONE TELL ME?
this life is never what i expected
Feb 5, 2009
Feb 2, 2009
tmr, i am taking a SAT Diagnostic test, in huai hai road. well its the second time that i am actually taking it. The first time i took it, i got 1100. which is VERY bad. But this time, i am going to get higher, because i have practised for a long time, this time maybe i will hit the 1600 barrier, well thats not good too, but i hope i get 1800. From today onwards, i am going to be very busy, need to prepare for SAT, its in 87 days. I might be also retaking grade 8 ABRSM, and i wun fail the second time, because i have the right sounds for the notes, as i have tuned my piano already. I am not sure if i hate my dad for screaming at me for the car, but this few days, that image always appear in my mind, everything i said and did, in school and at home, i duno what cause it to flash back, but i know that there is something going on inside me.
i got this SAt book, which teaches me how to score 2400 for the SAT, which i hope i can do it. I learned two new sayings.
1. NO PAIN NO GAIN
2. PRACTISE MAKES PERFECT.
This two saying are really true, and it really works. My friends Jeff, and my brother sunny, they are all SCS, why cant i be one then, no one bothers to inform me, it doesnt matter, in school , i will just be who i am, what i always do, i will do it..
but i hate this life, i hate it really much, this year 2009 and 2008 and 2007 are disasters for me, because i have being through so much, and no one can share, i keep it within myself, and one day , i will express it out as songs................
i got this SAt book, which teaches me how to score 2400 for the SAT, which i hope i can do it. I learned two new sayings.
1. NO PAIN NO GAIN
2. PRACTISE MAKES PERFECT.
This two saying are really true, and it really works. My friends Jeff, and my brother sunny, they are all SCS, why cant i be one then, no one bothers to inform me, it doesnt matter, in school , i will just be who i am, what i always do, i will do it..
but i hate this life, i hate it really much, this year 2009 and 2008 and 2007 are disasters for me, because i have being through so much, and no one can share, i keep it within myself, and one day , i will express it out as songs................
Jan 30, 2009
I want an iphone. i do, well before that i said i wanted a mac book, but it seems too expensive, so i changed to i phone, but now it seems same too, expansive. it is about 300USD for a 8Gb one, i mean mum said that the economics is bad, and we should waste money,its true, well ok then lets say i dun get anything for my birthday, i dun mind. i wonder why i met or lets say crash into this economic crises, this is unfair, i hope OBAMA can do something, i am sure he can, and he will. i dun want to be 17, its hard for me to accept it, accept the truth that i am leaving for University soon , accepting the fact that i will soon become an adult, and leave home, well everyone has to go through that process, its normal, but it feels bad and non exciting anymore, when u know that u r leaving home and leaving the ones u love behind, and go somewhere.......
Jan 27, 2009
jimmy talked to me about the band. seriously, i dun reali care now, sometimes i wonder y i aint born in western countries, as in live there. if id live there, maybe i wun have to be under so much pressure now, yea of course, i wun meet so much friends. i just dun know, i wanted to be a teacher when i grew up, or a doctor, or...but most important thing is, i have to enter a university first, if i dun enter university, the rest is all bullshit. have to start working now, i guess, i must. and for this band, maybe i focus on it again after may second after my sat test, and i hope i score well. very well. life is getter harder and harder day by day, yea i am high one, and i know the reponsibility on me, personally. these few days, i did SAT, and i also read sophie world, and the outsider, i learned many new thing through books, and also many ways of writing, so reading actually helps. language may be facinating to one, but i was wondering, even if my english is not good, but lets say i cant speak it at all, whats the big deal, everyone learns. i just want a good and peaceful life. i just want everything to turn out right, and i can go into university, and i hope i dun fail IB........
Jan 24, 2009
Mayb the happiest thing for me this life is to be with my band members, because only when i am with them, i feel relieve, and happy, all the pressure is gone when i am with them, but i cant do band anymore, which i want to, everyone wants to, but i had to prepare for SAT. and is UMASS really a bad university? yea of course it is not as good as NUS, but at least i have a uni to go, i dun wana go NUS, because i dun feel like mgoing
Jan 23, 2009
SAT in May 2, inSingapore, am i ready? well i am not sure, i guess i am, 2009 largest news for me, i am going to conquer the SAT once , i m taking it only once, and i m sending it to the university i want. But also i have to improve my work in school. English....math....chem....sign.... cant do shit now, work hard, now its not the time to relax, my furture depends on now...
Jan 12, 2009
I duno
yea, alright i got scolded like shit from my dad, just because i scratch my mums car with my bike. That was an accident, i didnt mean to do it on purpose,plus i dun feel good too, making that mark there...i cant believe what my dad said to me, he said:"Youre 16, and u r acting like 1 or 2 years old little child, the older u get, the more stupid u r, u know how precious the car is, how can u do that..i m very disapoinnted at u, i dun have such a stupid son like u."fine tats ok to me, cause he always said that to me, and i know i m careless,but i m trying to learn..everyone makes mistakes and they learn from it. second thing, for my band, Jimmys mum wants to come and watch live performance,but out mangement dun allow, so i went to the mangement with jimmy and said its not fair, yea i was complaining, and my dad shouted at me, guess what he said:"they give u a chance to perform, because they didnt look down on u, do u think u guys r really that good, Who do u think u guys r?!.still have the pride to call urself a BAND,people call u a band bcoz they respect u, if it wasnt ur mum who organises the music part, u guys cant even get to perform, so if u want to perform, u go, or ask ur friends to FUCK off, we dun need them here." thats unfair,why,cause he insulted my friends...it is unfair...
My dad always told me, to do things carefully, and also talk to people in a nice way,but how about him, he always lose his things, and he is careless, so y cant i be careless for once? yea i know it hurts when a new car is being damaged, but when i dad buys a brand new SET OF GOLF clubs, dont he feel hurt spending that much money?
In all these case i being through, its always releated to money, y is people always stuck with money, is money so important? yea it is, somehow, we can buything with money, but if money is not being invented, nothing will have happened, no pain, no hurt, no nothing....
I hate my dad, Y r all parents like that?I actually cried for the first time, very hard, because i cant stand this anymore, also i talked back to my dad for the very first time, i dun want to live under his control anymore,mayb this is the life of a eastern child in a eastern family....y is my life so bad......
Thinking about what my dad said, mayb we aint really a band, i am not critisizing, but i dun think we r good enough, we dun have movements, because those guys dun dare to move,so our band is like dead, and stiff, and i m quiting cause i want a better band...sersiously...we should do something, or i aint performing for the school expo...i dun wana embrasse myself, and JIMMY, i guess u can stop dreaming about ur dream of becoming famous, because we wun
My dad always told me, to do things carefully, and also talk to people in a nice way,but how about him, he always lose his things, and he is careless, so y cant i be careless for once? yea i know it hurts when a new car is being damaged, but when i dad buys a brand new SET OF GOLF clubs, dont he feel hurt spending that much money?
In all these case i being through, its always releated to money, y is people always stuck with money, is money so important? yea it is, somehow, we can buything with money, but if money is not being invented, nothing will have happened, no pain, no hurt, no nothing....
I hate my dad, Y r all parents like that?I actually cried for the first time, very hard, because i cant stand this anymore, also i talked back to my dad for the very first time, i dun want to live under his control anymore,mayb this is the life of a eastern child in a eastern family....y is my life so bad......
Thinking about what my dad said, mayb we aint really a band, i am not critisizing, but i dun think we r good enough, we dun have movements, because those guys dun dare to move,so our band is like dead, and stiff, and i m quiting cause i want a better band...sersiously...we should do something, or i aint performing for the school expo...i dun wana embrasse myself, and JIMMY, i guess u can stop dreaming about ur dream of becoming famous, because we wun
Jan 9, 2009
Life is Not A Waiting Room
Life is not waiting room, there is a lot of things i cant wait anymore, example like studying for university, i am doing it now, and also improving on my basketball and my piano skills. i didnt said i wanted to be professional on piano and basketball, but those things might help me one day, who knows?i have no more time, my IA is here, and test and homework at the same time, now i know what High school is like, it never ends.......but in reliaty it will...university...sounds scary to me, i need to do VERY WELL for my IA, it will help me for my marks at the end...so cant screw up, math IA, HARD. Life is not a waiting room, sometimes, we have to work first, we cant just sit there and wait, but this is not really true too, some things we can also wait, or we can choose not to have it, what is something a living room dun have? BED! which means love relationship, which is something not important to me.....i dun mind seriously, because i have described it before. Tension is building in me, steadily, everyone moving away from me, i feel heavy forces forcing their way out of me, i cant hold it on anymore, cause i swear, i wun wait anymore, i wun wait for things for change, i will change it before anything or anyone does anything. 3 tests in 2 weeks, it this what i waited for no, plus and IA, in 3 weeks, so manythings,thats sounds hard, but i m ok for business i guess, and i aint screwing for math and chem again, or i am really gona killl myself, i guess everyone knows what marks i got, i want to prove to the world, i aint the worst, and i am gona open the university gate that is closing........
TO BE CONTINUTED>>.....
TO BE CONTINUTED>>.....
Jan 7, 2009
I know you Dont like my voice
I know You Dont like my face
and I know You dont like me at all...
BUt You can never change me
Because i m always who i am
I know you know this..
You saw me, trying to change
But you pretend you dont
You just want to hurt me
and leave me desprate
i will show you, who i really is
through fighting you back
i will turned on the radio loud
and scream at you face
I will let you know how it feels to be like me
What it is like to be hurt
To be hated, to live,
under you control,Under you
I had enough, i will stand up now
Because i am sick of all the lies
and i had enough of all the pain
Tonight will be your dying day
Because dying is your latest fashion
And I am telling you
I am not a curse, i aint a Nightmare
I am a HUMAN, I am ALIVE
So look at me now, I will say
I want...
Apology from you
Now i am telling you
how it feels to be like me
And you will regret
for what you;ve done to me
all these years, all the things you done to me
I will give it back to you.
I always lie to myself
telling myself life is good
everything will change
but it seems that nth did
so now, i am changing life
the sin is beautiful outside
on a vast ocean
i make my way into the ocean
sailing far away on my little raft i made
maybe the ocean waves will sink me
and i die,die,die,die,die
but if i m saved,
than i will thank god,
for he let me live
but still i will,cut myself on the wrist
and end this life, because
Everyone wants me to do so
they hope i do
I know You Dont like my face
and I know You dont like me at all...
BUt You can never change me
Because i m always who i am
I know you know this..
You saw me, trying to change
But you pretend you dont
You just want to hurt me
and leave me desprate
i will show you, who i really is
through fighting you back
i will turned on the radio loud
and scream at you face
I will let you know how it feels to be like me
What it is like to be hurt
To be hated, to live,
under you control,Under you
I had enough, i will stand up now
Because i am sick of all the lies
and i had enough of all the pain
Tonight will be your dying day
Because dying is your latest fashion
And I am telling you
I am not a curse, i aint a Nightmare
I am a HUMAN, I am ALIVE
So look at me now, I will say
I want...
Apology from you
Now i am telling you
how it feels to be like me
And you will regret
for what you;ve done to me
all these years, all the things you done to me
I will give it back to you.
I always lie to myself
telling myself life is good
everything will change
but it seems that nth did
so now, i am changing life
the sin is beautiful outside
on a vast ocean
i make my way into the ocean
sailing far away on my little raft i made
maybe the ocean waves will sink me
and i die,die,die,die,die
but if i m saved,
than i will thank god,
for he let me live
but still i will,cut myself on the wrist
and end this life, because
Everyone wants me to do so
they hope i do
Jan 6, 2009
Fate Outside these doors
Of masques and martyrs aid the loveless
The sin was beautiful
Blank empire closed,the eyes of heaven shine a
smoke screen, a voice
the sound was kissed and sold
Best regards to the fashion corpse of grey
It thins the shallow blood in me
A century of open arms that shield the light
This battle scar is healing
Cast all the pain to the tourniquet that binds me
I fell in love with an Angel, a heart that isn't cold
Say goodnight, we are dying, just hold on
Bless these shadows and tested everyone
They can't steal our love tonight.
This song, what does it imply, pesonally i do not know...i wish i had a laptop for christmas, i also wished for a new ipod or handphone...i guess everyone in my class got a Christmas present..i didnt dare to tell my Christmas wishes to my parents, because its unreliable....and they wun buy me one. they will say, use ur results to change for it, or its economic crises, y cant they just say NO direction, y does everyone has or likes to speak in circles...y cant they be straight forward...yea today choir, sing siren, i m offtune, no big deal, no need to laugh, i still can be the best though, i didnt know i could sing saprano...but i dun like, i wana go tenor, but i had already being singing bass for so long, i m not like jeff, he has a deeper voice, he is sutiable for bass, but i m not, so everytime i sing bass i need to strech myself to do it.......
WHY is it so tiring to lead a good life....Y?i duno what kind of person i m now....today TOK talks about some sexist problem against girls in a book....i used to disagree, but today i felt nothing..which i dont know y, mayb i m really becomin emotionless...but thats good too, so that i dun feel anything anymore at any moment....for my performance,,,i hope to invite some teachers to come and watch...i hope that they do come actually......
Of masques and martyrs aid the loveless
The sin was beautiful
Blank empire closed,the eyes of heaven shine a
smoke screen, a voice
the sound was kissed and sold
Best regards to the fashion corpse of grey
It thins the shallow blood in me
A century of open arms that shield the light
This battle scar is healing
Cast all the pain to the tourniquet that binds me
I fell in love with an Angel, a heart that isn't cold
Say goodnight, we are dying, just hold on
Bless these shadows and tested everyone
They can't steal our love tonight.
This song, what does it imply, pesonally i do not know...i wish i had a laptop for christmas, i also wished for a new ipod or handphone...i guess everyone in my class got a Christmas present..i didnt dare to tell my Christmas wishes to my parents, because its unreliable....and they wun buy me one. they will say, use ur results to change for it, or its economic crises, y cant they just say NO direction, y does everyone has or likes to speak in circles...y cant they be straight forward...yea today choir, sing siren, i m offtune, no big deal, no need to laugh, i still can be the best though, i didnt know i could sing saprano...but i dun like, i wana go tenor, but i had already being singing bass for so long, i m not like jeff, he has a deeper voice, he is sutiable for bass, but i m not, so everytime i sing bass i need to strech myself to do it.......
WHY is it so tiring to lead a good life....Y?i duno what kind of person i m now....today TOK talks about some sexist problem against girls in a book....i used to disagree, but today i felt nothing..which i dont know y, mayb i m really becomin emotionless...but thats good too, so that i dun feel anything anymore at any moment....for my performance,,,i hope to invite some teachers to come and watch...i hope that they do come actually......
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