May 24, 2009
Screwed Up SAT...
god damn,screwed up SAT, u should know how i feel now, pressure,exams coming,i just wana get myself out of all this. meet this girl called Angela, through lucy,caused her to lose all her social status, 2 days, many things happened, i m like a failure now, nth works out for me, whats the potin of living.y am i always the one cvhosen for battle, and bad things?
May 11, 2009
prom...A place i shouldnt go
i dun think i should go to prom should i? thats not the place for me. lolhaha
and i am pretty sure this is good news for many people, that i am not going....bcoz i can do a survey to prove i am right
and i am pretty sure this is good news for many people, that i am not going....bcoz i can do a survey to prove i am right
May 7, 2009
i made new songs
Life is Always the same
Another night going by
I am still staring at the ceiling
I can hear myself crying
For things that have passed long ago
Will this ever end
Will this life mean something again
If I had my way
I will shout it out and say
This is not the life I wanted
All I want is recognition
Loves not enough when we say it
Don’t we know we have to mean it
I am screwing my life forever
There is always nothing better
Another night goes by and,
Still feel the same way before
Can anyone help me out
Because I am dying right here
I wana cut my wrists
And end this painful life
What the point of living
When nothing works out right
This is not the life I wanted
All I want is recognition
Loves not enough when we say it
Don’t we know we have to mean it?
Now I am feeling much better
But I hope life will be better
This is something out there for me
And now I am reaching for it
A Lonely Birthday
I feel hot outside
But inside I m feeling cold
My bloods freezing, and my veins are contracting
Never felt so lonely on this night before
I always wished someone special was there for me
Here with me, on my birthday…..
I recalled the times we used to have
The time we spent together looking at the stars
Talking about our lives
Here it goes again, I am crying again
Its too much left for me
I try to get over it, but I cant
I cant forget the times we had
The things we did
The scene when I hold your hand and lit the cake
The times when we first kissed…..
But now I am all alone, on my birthday
And you are out there with someone
Someone……
We used to be friends, you seem so near, but so far away
The pain inside me, I still feel, when you turned and walked away
You left my life in a mess, I cant do anything now
What’s the point of living, without you beside me…
My life is empty, without your laughter repeating beside me
But now I say
Here it goes again, I am crying again
Its too much left for me
I try to get over it, but I cant
I cant forget the times we had
The things we did
The scene when I hold your hand and lit the cake
The times when we first kissed…..
And now it’s all over, and I have only a few words for you
You left me here bleeding, when I die, you shall cry…..
Another night going by
I am still staring at the ceiling
I can hear myself crying
For things that have passed long ago
Will this ever end
Will this life mean something again
If I had my way
I will shout it out and say
This is not the life I wanted
All I want is recognition
Loves not enough when we say it
Don’t we know we have to mean it
I am screwing my life forever
There is always nothing better
Another night goes by and,
Still feel the same way before
Can anyone help me out
Because I am dying right here
I wana cut my wrists
And end this painful life
What the point of living
When nothing works out right
This is not the life I wanted
All I want is recognition
Loves not enough when we say it
Don’t we know we have to mean it?
Now I am feeling much better
But I hope life will be better
This is something out there for me
And now I am reaching for it
A Lonely Birthday
I feel hot outside
But inside I m feeling cold
My bloods freezing, and my veins are contracting
Never felt so lonely on this night before
I always wished someone special was there for me
Here with me, on my birthday…..
I recalled the times we used to have
The time we spent together looking at the stars
Talking about our lives
Here it goes again, I am crying again
Its too much left for me
I try to get over it, but I cant
I cant forget the times we had
The things we did
The scene when I hold your hand and lit the cake
The times when we first kissed…..
But now I am all alone, on my birthday
And you are out there with someone
Someone……
We used to be friends, you seem so near, but so far away
The pain inside me, I still feel, when you turned and walked away
You left my life in a mess, I cant do anything now
What’s the point of living, without you beside me…
My life is empty, without your laughter repeating beside me
But now I say
Here it goes again, I am crying again
Its too much left for me
I try to get over it, but I cant
I cant forget the times we had
The things we did
The scene when I hold your hand and lit the cake
The times when we first kissed…..
And now it’s all over, and I have only a few words for you
You left me here bleeding, when I die, you shall cry…..
May 4, 2009
SAT/Singapore trip
man the trip[ to singapore was reali dramatic. espically me. ok i was at the airport, and checking in my luggage, and when passing through the sensor, they asked me to open me bag, and they found a knife. its my swiss knife, which i bought for fun, and i forget that i left it in my bag, so i was. OH GOD< NOW I M SCREWED. but luckily i was alowed to passed, with my bad checked in, that was reali scary. well, time changed to singapore, while existing the airport, i was chosen to have my luggage checked, and they found the knife agin!!!!!!!!wtf man, now i m unlucky, always me, two times in a row, but luckily, its not those kind of spring knife, so i got through safe. right this is an unpleasent jurney. at the MRT station, we took the train to trah marah, we r suppose to exist from the right, but mum said left, so we went to the life, and it was wrong, so we went back onto the train again, and we took the train back to the airport and back again.!!!!!!!and we found our way......
well the hotel, thats gay, its called hotel 81. it is said near bugis MRT station, but it took me and mum 1 hour to get to the damn hotel, we walked there, and SG was like 35 degress......we reached the airport at 6, and we reached the hotel at about 8, mman 2 hours on the road, and it;s in Singapore. right, the hotel was 109 dollars a night.
day 2 was normal. day 3 same. i was preparing for the test on SAT. saturday approaches, and i woke up early, and took a shower, maybe because i was in a rush, i forget to put shamppoo on my hair when wasing it, damn, and i left that way to the test center, i was having myh test at starhub center. when we got out of the hotel, it was raining, so we called a cab there, 1 minute after we got onto the cab, the rain stopped, how unlucky was that?!!!damn. reached starhub center, i entered, the room i was in, doesnt have a clock, and so i start to freak out, and they said they have a clock i was relieved, and at the same time, mum said she lost her damn expensive watch, but bcoz i was about to start my test, mum rushed to seven eleven to bought me a new watch, which cost 10 dollars.:". after the test, mum said is her radar watch (which cost 20000) in my bag, and we search throughly through my bag, and it wasnt there. mum lost her mood, and we headed back to the hotel without saying a word. back at the hotel, mum asked the guy in the reception if they found her watch, and they said no, so i went up myself to search it with mum, and we found it under the bed. the watch. it means that those guys didnt even come up at all. LIARS, LIARS, PANTS ON FIRE>>>>so everything was fine, good? ok. cool. after SAT, me and sunny(my brother), we went to wild wild wet, to play, it was fun, but i had height fright, and sunny forced me to go up to a slide that was 10 meters tall and slide down, when i come down, i was so scared, that i almost faint.he know that i had height fright, and he does it on purpose, what a guy, lol. that night was fun, we went to tompson road to eat chicken rice, it was reputated to be the best in the whole of singapore, and it seems true, there is alot of people there waiting for a seat.
and i think thats a trend, after bad luck, good luck comes, on sunday, on the way back, my flight is SQ 836, and guess what, when i was thinking of how to go home when i reached shanghai at 11, i met my classmate. NOUYEE, she was on the same flight with me, so on the plane, i asked her if i could take her car to puxi, and she said yes, so i had a free ride, lol. thanks nouyee. see thats why, its good sometimes. now all i had to do is to wait for my results to be out, i hope i will get around 1600, or higher. and at the same time, i am going to focus on my school work, and raise my results, espically math, chem, and biz(not reali), biz is stupid, i dun like it, the things it test. sign
this is high school , what can i do?wait wait iwait and wait. patience and hard work is all i need in life, in the future......and now....and now its time to study
i was wondering what i can get for IB,mum said 30 is enuf, but i know its not, and i am aiming for 35, which means at least 7 for 4 subjects, and i m confident for 3 of them. phy, biz, chinese, maybe english too. chem i am prettu sure i can raise it to about 3 or 4 this term , math will be 3 i guess, that makes 29, for this term, and i will improve somemore duiong the summer, to work on my EE and TOK essay, this 2 sucks, man cant fail....sigh sighs
god help me, now i know how hard life can be...........
well the hotel, thats gay, its called hotel 81. it is said near bugis MRT station, but it took me and mum 1 hour to get to the damn hotel, we walked there, and SG was like 35 degress......we reached the airport at 6, and we reached the hotel at about 8, mman 2 hours on the road, and it;s in Singapore. right, the hotel was 109 dollars a night.
day 2 was normal. day 3 same. i was preparing for the test on SAT. saturday approaches, and i woke up early, and took a shower, maybe because i was in a rush, i forget to put shamppoo on my hair when wasing it, damn, and i left that way to the test center, i was having myh test at starhub center. when we got out of the hotel, it was raining, so we called a cab there, 1 minute after we got onto the cab, the rain stopped, how unlucky was that?!!!damn. reached starhub center, i entered, the room i was in, doesnt have a clock, and so i start to freak out, and they said they have a clock i was relieved, and at the same time, mum said she lost her damn expensive watch, but bcoz i was about to start my test, mum rushed to seven eleven to bought me a new watch, which cost 10 dollars.:". after the test, mum said is her radar watch (which cost 20000) in my bag, and we search throughly through my bag, and it wasnt there. mum lost her mood, and we headed back to the hotel without saying a word. back at the hotel, mum asked the guy in the reception if they found her watch, and they said no, so i went up myself to search it with mum, and we found it under the bed. the watch. it means that those guys didnt even come up at all. LIARS, LIARS, PANTS ON FIRE>>>>so everything was fine, good? ok. cool. after SAT, me and sunny(my brother), we went to wild wild wet, to play, it was fun, but i had height fright, and sunny forced me to go up to a slide that was 10 meters tall and slide down, when i come down, i was so scared, that i almost faint.he know that i had height fright, and he does it on purpose, what a guy, lol. that night was fun, we went to tompson road to eat chicken rice, it was reputated to be the best in the whole of singapore, and it seems true, there is alot of people there waiting for a seat.
and i think thats a trend, after bad luck, good luck comes, on sunday, on the way back, my flight is SQ 836, and guess what, when i was thinking of how to go home when i reached shanghai at 11, i met my classmate. NOUYEE, she was on the same flight with me, so on the plane, i asked her if i could take her car to puxi, and she said yes, so i had a free ride, lol. thanks nouyee. see thats why, its good sometimes. now all i had to do is to wait for my results to be out, i hope i will get around 1600, or higher. and at the same time, i am going to focus on my school work, and raise my results, espically math, chem, and biz(not reali), biz is stupid, i dun like it, the things it test. sign
this is high school , what can i do?wait wait iwait and wait. patience and hard work is all i need in life, in the future......and now....and now its time to study
i was wondering what i can get for IB,mum said 30 is enuf, but i know its not, and i am aiming for 35, which means at least 7 for 4 subjects, and i m confident for 3 of them. phy, biz, chinese, maybe english too. chem i am prettu sure i can raise it to about 3 or 4 this term , math will be 3 i guess, that makes 29, for this term, and i will improve somemore duiong the summer, to work on my EE and TOK essay, this 2 sucks, man cant fail....sigh sighs
god help me, now i know how hard life can be...........
Apr 27, 2009
SAT......
SAT on this Saturday, i am not sure if i am ready to actually take the test,....i dun have a choice, do i? i need to go back to Singapore to take the SAT exam. what should i do??i duno.....
I m leaving on wednesday night, i dun dare to face it...ARGH i having a very band headache now, reali bad, guess i am under too much pressure, i m afraid i freak out during the test....
i m in a state of melanchony now, duno what to do next...sign...high school sucks. and its so not fair, y didnt sunny recieve the cert when he is suppose to recieved, and MR low he did no shit then he got something, wat the fuck man......seriously, i m going to speak to the tacher about it, or i will kick ass....
Worried worried worried.....all i am not is worried and anxious, i feel that my veins r bursting out in me, and i cant take this anymore.....
life is difficult.....
I m leaving on wednesday night, i dun dare to face it...ARGH i having a very band headache now, reali bad, guess i am under too much pressure, i m afraid i freak out during the test....
i m in a state of melanchony now, duno what to do next...sign...high school sucks. and its so not fair, y didnt sunny recieve the cert when he is suppose to recieved, and MR low he did no shit then he got something, wat the fuck man......seriously, i m going to speak to the tacher about it, or i will kick ass....
Worried worried worried.....all i am not is worried and anxious, i feel that my veins r bursting out in me, and i cant take this anymore.....
life is difficult.....
Apr 23, 2009
if i can turn back time, i would change everything
if i had study harder, i would have better results
if i had learn guitar instead of piano
if.....
many many if in life
i duno y , but somehow i cant change the things, math i have being failing ever since i got to middle school and now i am high school, i m still failing. 1 2 3 on the report card.....how am i going to apply for university with that result? man wilson ot 33 and i got 22. FUCK MAN, i dun think its fun,
whats the point of living when nothing works now, my SAT, sign, duno what i will get for the actual exam, someone help
May 2nd cant think of it, i dun dare to think of it, i wana write on chinese history but what to write?doin on physics? Astrophysics? not agreed by parents....
failed math like shit, cant imagine whats next, mean chem i got 10 out of 24, should get 16, feeling like killing myself,!!!!!!!!! y y always me,
i dun wana be the one the battle always choose
y am i always the one failing
y do i suck at so many things?
is there one thing i m good at?
i dont think so, i cant explain this feeling inside me, i wana scream, but no sound comes out of me, i wana cry, but my tears r frozen...
The image i see in my mind....
Hurts me like when a child dies...
i cant face everything around me
i try to forget it
but it keeps coming back to me...
i tried to scream, i tried to cry
and i am still gona try
but at this stage,when nothing matters
whats the point of living?
take me away, slient angel
i see darkness infront of me
i see hells door opening,
waiting for me to jump in...
i dont want to say goodbye
but whats my choice here
rather than saying goodbye?......
Joshua said he will help me with chem and math, thanks man, thanks to everyone who helped me in life, but this is a time, when i think life is meaningless to me, no point applying to university when i know i cant make it, when there r only 1s 2s and 3s appearing on th progress report of mine............
if i had study harder, i would have better results
if i had learn guitar instead of piano
if.....
many many if in life
i duno y , but somehow i cant change the things, math i have being failing ever since i got to middle school and now i am high school, i m still failing. 1 2 3 on the report card.....how am i going to apply for university with that result? man wilson ot 33 and i got 22. FUCK MAN, i dun think its fun,
whats the point of living when nothing works now, my SAT, sign, duno what i will get for the actual exam, someone help
May 2nd cant think of it, i dun dare to think of it, i wana write on chinese history but what to write?doin on physics? Astrophysics? not agreed by parents....
failed math like shit, cant imagine whats next, mean chem i got 10 out of 24, should get 16, feeling like killing myself,!!!!!!!!! y y always me,
i dun wana be the one the battle always choose
y am i always the one failing
y do i suck at so many things?
is there one thing i m good at?
i dont think so, i cant explain this feeling inside me, i wana scream, but no sound comes out of me, i wana cry, but my tears r frozen...
The image i see in my mind....
Hurts me like when a child dies...
i cant face everything around me
i try to forget it
but it keeps coming back to me...
i tried to scream, i tried to cry
and i am still gona try
but at this stage,when nothing matters
whats the point of living?
take me away, slient angel
i see darkness infront of me
i see hells door opening,
waiting for me to jump in...
i dont want to say goodbye
but whats my choice here
rather than saying goodbye?......
Joshua said he will help me with chem and math, thanks man, thanks to everyone who helped me in life, but this is a time, when i think life is meaningless to me, no point applying to university when i know i cant make it, when there r only 1s 2s and 3s appearing on th progress report of mine............
Apr 9, 2009
god.!!nothing seems to work out here.!!my SAT why have i being screwing up for critical readin part? yes there are rules to it, i applied. i hate SAT reali hate it!
band rehersal on SATURDAY!!! need to choose 4 songs or 2(depends on the RFC admins). ok 15 minutes that way more that enough...em i guess we r doing shut up, only jimmy thinks we cant.
Sry chonghan man about ur relationship. it makes me more scared of falling into love, although its a good thing i know, but i have seen people around me, like CH, no insult, crying sadly, people breaking up, whats the point? i will say, dun even start it when u know it will end, y waste ur time and energy? u tell me?(not CH)???
i am sick and tired of life, i guess i need to find a reason to live. it makes me feel bad wehen friends cry. CH u can hold on forever, i cant. lol. but i do, i hate girls, every single one. because the hurt me b4, and.....make people laugh at me...!!!
i have scars that will not feel
i have wounds that will not heal
i have cuts on my hand that everyone can see.
but i also have pain that people dun understand
and they cant feel it
they dun care!!!!!!!
sometimes i duno whay i m here.? whats my mission? its driving me nuts, everything, another chemistty test next week, am i gona fail or pass?no idea...
msfong said i will pass, just believe, but believeing is easy, but doing it is hard, IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING? i dont reali agree to this, because it does not work for me, although i force myself not to hate chemistry and math, but i do, when it comes to hard topics, and also tests....it sucks, it reali sucks.
i want to find the reason,
find the reason why people hates me?
why why why why....?!!!
so how to save my life]becasuse i m dying.......
band rehersal on SATURDAY!!! need to choose 4 songs or 2(depends on the RFC admins). ok 15 minutes that way more that enough...em i guess we r doing shut up, only jimmy thinks we cant.
Sry chonghan man about ur relationship. it makes me more scared of falling into love, although its a good thing i know, but i have seen people around me, like CH, no insult, crying sadly, people breaking up, whats the point? i will say, dun even start it when u know it will end, y waste ur time and energy? u tell me?(not CH)???
i am sick and tired of life, i guess i need to find a reason to live. it makes me feel bad wehen friends cry. CH u can hold on forever, i cant. lol. but i do, i hate girls, every single one. because the hurt me b4, and.....make people laugh at me...!!!
i have scars that will not feel
i have wounds that will not heal
i have cuts on my hand that everyone can see.
but i also have pain that people dun understand
and they cant feel it
they dun care!!!!!!!
sometimes i duno whay i m here.? whats my mission? its driving me nuts, everything, another chemistty test next week, am i gona fail or pass?no idea...
msfong said i will pass, just believe, but believeing is easy, but doing it is hard, IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING? i dont reali agree to this, because it does not work for me, although i force myself not to hate chemistry and math, but i do, when it comes to hard topics, and also tests....it sucks, it reali sucks.
i want to find the reason,
find the reason why people hates me?
why why why why....?!!!
so how to save my life]becasuse i m dying.......
Apr 2, 2009
nth seems to work out anymore. i have beeen failing math and chem ever since i got to high school. SOMEONE tell me what to do. i give up on those subject, because i think i will fail IB anyways...
in school, i m hated, in the band, people thinks i m gay, the S4s S3s and S2s hates me, what the fuck did i do? well i know though, but that was long time ago, last SAT Digno test on Saturday, duno how much i will get. Man dream to America is no more now. i think thats the reason why i agreed to our new band name no more tomorrow...
Chem is easy, i get it, math is soso, some chapters not hard, some is. but when ever coming to exams, i m always screwing, same for physics,business and the rest....
i dont know y, but when exams comes, the first thought that come to my mind is 'i m going to fail". god and i really failed..uncle told me to think of red, mum and grandma told me to have faith and confidence, but how?
lying to myself saying i can do it, when i cant is not going to help. something goes wrong inside me....which i dont know y, everyone has their own strength, my is music, and concepts, not application....but this world works on application, and i want a Iphone, but most properbly not going to get it...this life is not what is seems, it contains more than i can ever take....
it contains more than i can ever get through
for once i understand something in math...well....good for me....
i wanted to do many things myself, i wanted to live myself, do things myself, lear how to drive.etc...many many more, but somehow i cant do something without the help of parents. another chem test on the 17th...i m going to fail again...because i always fail and i give up...math guess testing soon, and business test is near by, i forgot when though..but i must do well for business, i need to have a high predicted grade, to increase on my GPA, and SAT, thats something i m worrying the most, andi m working hard on it....die man die...die and no pressure at all.
the truth is, i duno y am i on earth, i have a mission, everyone does, but i cant find any evidence or clue to lead me to the answer...i m still searching for it....y people hate me, yea even in choir, alright, victor u will get it, u will..!!!!
i never forget that scene, and us sister is a bitch to me, so i aint scared of u, jeff wun help, i do things myself, my friends, called "friends".....
i need direction in life, things are storing up in my heart, i need to release it, in my own way...............
in school, i m hated, in the band, people thinks i m gay, the S4s S3s and S2s hates me, what the fuck did i do? well i know though, but that was long time ago, last SAT Digno test on Saturday, duno how much i will get. Man dream to America is no more now. i think thats the reason why i agreed to our new band name no more tomorrow...
Chem is easy, i get it, math is soso, some chapters not hard, some is. but when ever coming to exams, i m always screwing, same for physics,business and the rest....
i dont know y, but when exams comes, the first thought that come to my mind is 'i m going to fail". god and i really failed..uncle told me to think of red, mum and grandma told me to have faith and confidence, but how?
lying to myself saying i can do it, when i cant is not going to help. something goes wrong inside me....which i dont know y, everyone has their own strength, my is music, and concepts, not application....but this world works on application, and i want a Iphone, but most properbly not going to get it...this life is not what is seems, it contains more than i can ever take....
it contains more than i can ever get through
for once i understand something in math...well....good for me....
i wanted to do many things myself, i wanted to live myself, do things myself, lear how to drive.etc...many many more, but somehow i cant do something without the help of parents. another chem test on the 17th...i m going to fail again...because i always fail and i give up...math guess testing soon, and business test is near by, i forgot when though..but i must do well for business, i need to have a high predicted grade, to increase on my GPA, and SAT, thats something i m worrying the most, andi m working hard on it....die man die...die and no pressure at all.
the truth is, i duno y am i on earth, i have a mission, everyone does, but i cant find any evidence or clue to lead me to the answer...i m still searching for it....y people hate me, yea even in choir, alright, victor u will get it, u will..!!!!
i never forget that scene, and us sister is a bitch to me, so i aint scared of u, jeff wun help, i do things myself, my friends, called "friends".....
i need direction in life, things are storing up in my heart, i need to release it, in my own way...............
Mar 29, 2009
i duno, SAT is in may second, its fast i have like only a month left, need to work harder, and RFC, its driving me nuts, too much things, how am i going to compromise with all those things i m facing, who understands?
At least i dont, i dont think i can take this anymore,....i dun even think i can get a good score on the SAT, no point lying to myself, and i said i wun let micheal down, i will try, but if i do, sry then man, i tried, many thing i think icant do.
and i aint gay, but i m not that kind of evil person, although i say somethings, but i never mean it, and of course, i never do those things,
life sucks, and i m sry janice, i didnt tell u , u were out of the band, its not my intension, its jimmys idea, i m sry for everything i have done, i m sry sry sry sry sry sry sry.....how am i feeling now, the truth is, i have no idea too, i lost direction in life, and i dun think i can ever find it, its so wrong, everything is so wrong here.
its very very wrong......
At least i dont, i dont think i can take this anymore,....i dun even think i can get a good score on the SAT, no point lying to myself, and i said i wun let micheal down, i will try, but if i do, sry then man, i tried, many thing i think icant do.
and i aint gay, but i m not that kind of evil person, although i say somethings, but i never mean it, and of course, i never do those things,
life sucks, and i m sry janice, i didnt tell u , u were out of the band, its not my intension, its jimmys idea, i m sry for everything i have done, i m sry sry sry sry sry sry sry.....how am i feeling now, the truth is, i have no idea too, i lost direction in life, and i dun think i can ever find it, its so wrong, everything is so wrong here.
its very very wrong......
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